hello, here’s a blog i wrote after the Lord did some really cool things
from the start of writing down parts of my heart to be shared with the people who chose to read my blogs (which started over a year ago,,, crazy!!) i always wanted to be authentic and real with what the Lord was doing in me. most times i didn’t know how to do so or i let fear stop me. when going through the fire & places that just hurt a little bit more i wanted to show that & be real in that, while always pointing back to the goodness of God that isn’t dependent on circumstances. and i didn’t want my wrestles to be shared with a bow on top. the race is hard, life is hard and my words in real life & the ones written down won’t gloss over that.
often times, the Lord out of the kindness of His heart reveals things to me that sting a little but are actually just molding me into a person that will reflect more of Him. (ugh what a gift it is to be the clay in the hands of the greatest potter)!
recently i sat down with God, feeling overwhelmed, defeated, & truly felt like my heart was just too heavy to be held. and if i learned anything in that it’s that Gods got the arms to hold it. as i started talking with Him, He began to show me parts of the things that were weighing me down & causing so much grief in me. some of the things were seeking approval, carrying too much of others loads , and specifically some upcoming dates that were subconsciously flooding my head.
may 2nd & may 9th. my moms third death anniversary & mother’s day.
while on the phone with my little sister earlier that day, i reminded her to make sure she allowed space for herself to feel whatever she wanted to feel on those days because if she doesn’t, no one will, the world still moves when it’s your moms death date & it still celebrates mother’s day when your mom isn’t alive.
while sitting with God He reminded me of the words I had said to my sister just a few hours prior & that i needed those things to reign true to myself also.
i needed to simply allow myself to miss my dead mother. it sounds easy & something that is assumed to come with grief but over the past couple years i became so fixed on the way i was coming off to the world and there was no room for not being okay.
as i wept with the realization of these things, God didn’t stop there. He continued to bring up things from the past couple months that have over and over revealed Himself to be a motherly figure to me. a few of these things being a time where I had asked the Lord to show me how He held my heart & He showed me an image of a mother carefully and tenderly lying down her newborn baby & remaining by its side through the night ;reminding me that’s what He’s been doing to me all along. & Isaiah 66 a piece of scripture that perfectly captures all of this:
“Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river, and the glory of the nations like an overflowing stream; and you shall nurse, you shall be carried upon her hip, and bounced upon her knees. As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you…”
He is good. like we’re talking some serious beauty from ashes here.
because i know Him & His heart I can go knowing may 2nd & may 9th won’t be dreaded days but rather days where I can know and experience the fullness of God while still sitting & actually feeling grief.
so happy mothers day, Jesus! the mother of my <3
thanks for reading!
k
Kayla, you continue to amaze me. So real and authentic. Love you. Dad
Wow, Kayla
I truly understand the grief and learning to lean on God and allow Him into the places of your heart that need healing. ??
Think of you and pray for you
My dear Kayla….You are amazing! Thank you for sharing this difficult part of your life. May God continue to surround you with His love and peace! Love, G’ma
wow kayla i love your heart! thanks for sharing:) love you lots
love this sweet friend. so proud of you
this is real sweet friend. thanks for sharing ur heart
Wow, friend. What beautiful words and what a beautiful heart you have. I just love you a lot.
Kayla, your sweet tender heart is so beautiful. As you sit in grief may your soul be watered and fed and comforted.
Big hugs,
Angela
Dear Kayla, You gave to all when you shared your heart–grief is a gift and your words reminded me that like all gifts, it has to be accepted. Thank you for the reminder that God’s love is tender like that of a mother — praying even now for you to know more of that tenderness.
you are a fearless leader in authenticity and vulnerability. i see you leading yourself, your lil sis, and all the other people that will have ears to hear. i love you, i am endlessly proud of you.
As always, thank you for being yourself, and so willing to show your heart unapologetically. Thank you for reminding us to love others who have a different experience than us. Love you and I’m so proud of you
Oh dear Kayla – I’m sorry that there are parts of growing up that are also really painful. Loosing your Mom is certainly one of the toughest hurts! But, I’m so glad that it had caused you to run TO God and His loving arms. His plan for your life is a good one and in it you will find love and healing. This mission has been a solid foundation with Him to build your life on! You are becoming all He wants – keep on keeping on! Patti
Thought of you multiple time yesterday. I just love you. I’m so thankful for the way you carry the Father’s love.
this is so beautiful. thank you for sharing a piece of your heart. i admire your vulnerability and zeal for the Lord. you are incredible my friend. i love you!
Brave, humble, tender woman — thank you for the taking time to share this with all of us!
finally got to read this one. proud of you friend, & your tender strong heart.
Wow! This is so beautiful! I can’t imagine how hard losing your mom was. I will definitely be praying for you